Film Review: Pirates of the Caribbean – On Stranger Tides
What I’m going to take away from this movie is not the action-packed scenes. In the trailers preceding it, I was bombarded with enough explosions accompanied by grandiose orchestral music as it is. Not the best way to be eased into a film, and once again a reminder that Hollywood has become rather an empty shell, where film makers think if you just put lots of visual noise and blurry quick cuts in, people will gobble it up. Well, maybe they will, but to be honest I’m getting pretty fed up with it. What happened to story? Just because you can use million-dollar computer graphics, doesn’t mean you should do it all the time.
Another thing I won’t be taking away is the bland colour palette, or rather, the typical AAA video game palette. You know the drill: lots of browns, desaturated colours, a complete and utter absence of primary colours, to the point of being unnatural.
Nor will I remember the great story (for it isn’t that great), the music (which admittedly is pretty good but mostly rehashed from the previous films), or even Jack Sparrow, who is his usual funny self, but again it’s just more of the same. Yes, there are the typical slapstick situations and witticisms, but the slapstick humour doesn’t come out so well in the high-budget photography, and the witticisms are often rather predictable and not that witty.
What I will remember is the scene with the mermaids, particularly the one where they were introduced. At that moment, I felt the picture might still redeem itself. Sure, these mermaids looked like your typical anorexic fashion model, but there was a certain beauty there, a shroud of mystery. The missionary character showed great promise too, but unfortunately he turned out to be rather flat and ultimately unrealistically easily swayed by worldly desires. Speaking of which, he turned out to be as flat as the religious undertones, and the rather more heavy moral overtones.
In fact, the film’s depiction of morality is its one redeeming feature, and what prevents me from slapping an altogether condemning score on the film. The missionary/mermaid subplot as well as Blackbeard’s malicious nature with a hint of moral awareness now and then, and the scene where the Spaniards arrive on stage not to annex but rather destroy the Fountain of Youth in the name of religion, give the film some much-needed moral meat. Sadly though, the film doesn’t keep this up all the time, and most of the time the pirate mores of ‘anything goes’ prevail, completely confusing any moral compass the characters depicted might have.
All in all, you’d have to be a pretty die-hard Pirates of the Caribbean fan to enjoy this. I thought I was a fan myself, and maybe I was, but Disney’s credit is running out fast. If they don’t get their act together, I’d rather they didn’t make any new Pirates films. Because should the next one be worse than this, the franchise is as good as dead, and no amount of aqua de vida will be able to save it.
I think you’re right. I just saw it a few days ago… even in 3D, thinking it will be spectacular.
All I remember is running, screaming, explosions… a cute naked girl! Yes, that was most prominent. Ummm… let’s see… oh and a very very boring Blackbeard.
For those who don’t want spoilers, don’t read further.
You have Blackbeard, a World renowned pirate! What do you do with him? …nothing.
“I want to go there…oh, I got there…oh, I’m dead. Sucks to be me!”.
He was not intimidating… I think he was miscast. Really.
As for the rest of the movie, you introduce the idea of religion. Umkay, that might be interesting…oh wait, cute naked girl! Bluarghblearghbluargh dead. :/ Well, so much for that.
Oh, Barbossa! And Jack! Haha, they’re fighting! …now they’re working together… now they’re fighting…now they’re…oh, the movie ended.
And I seem to recall a very attractive woman somewhere in there who did absolutely nothing but look pretty in a corner.
Come to think of it, where was the story?? Good points, Haggis. Really good points… you were very kind with the score.
Yeah, I’m saving the really low scores for the next sequel. No, wait, I’m not even going to see that one.
And Blackbeard… as you say, so underwhelming. I mean, it’s said the guy actually set his beard on fire! Where was that in the movie? Nowhere! There’s really a lot of missed opportunity here, and I’m beginning to think they should just sack the writers and hire good ones.
True.
There was a short shot of Blackbeards beard on fizzle-fire. (Say that three times fast) By that, I mean there were tiny puffs of smoke coming out of it for like 5 seconds… and that was it.
I guess it’s just another case of “Oh, we totally got money now, screw the story!”. Sigh…
If I ever end up like that, shoot me, okay?
I will. Then I’ll take your money. ;D